I’ve lost count of the amount of times i’ve written or thought about the horrors of the blank page. So, I’ll avoid that topic tonight.
Speaking of topics i’m having a tough time thinking of something to write about. I guess i could write about the volunteering i’ve been doing, but honestly, i sometimes feel as if that comes across as as bragging: Hey assholes, look at how awesome I am. I did *THIS* today. Yeah, definitely bragging in a uncouth sort of way.
So i’ll avoid that, as i get awesomeness from it and don’t want to cancel it out.
I wish i could talk about whatever awesome book i finished this week, but i’ve finished none. I’ve got a few i’m working on and will report back when i’m done.
I wish i had a heady and thoughtful topic to discuss, but my thoughts aren’t cohesive enough to gel into a single post at this moment.
I do wonder if a reason to lower my standards and start drinking boxed wine is i won’t drink the whole box in a sitting. I’ve yet to open a bottle and not finish it, so maybe a box would limit the consumption. I can’t bring myself to do it though. Maybe a white wine… I mean really, who respects white wine drinkers anyways? Sure, they can be tasty, but it’s not like i’m going to boast about drinking a white wine. Now, a bottle of Opus One, i’ll speak of it with pride.
All over the map without much of a care, that’s my MO tonight. Yeah, we won’t blame the lack of attention to being slightly inebriated. Nope, not at all. I’ll have no truck with excuses or rationalizations
The Corgi is the best part of my day. I can’t put into meaningful words the joy i feel when i come home to his excitement and love.
And we’re moving on here…
Next stop on the revolving door to my mind: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Nice, white noise there asshat.
Randomness (3 of 53)
What i did in the past week. (2 of 52)
I finished two books this week. I finished the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire, A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. Having watched the TV show before i listened to the audio book, it was more repetitive than i would liked, but it was definitely more informative. HBO did a great job turning the book into a TV series. And a it’s great fantasy book. I really want to know what is going on next.
I also finished Ready Player One by Ernest Cline read by Wil Wheaton. Ready Player One is a great book, especially if you grew up in the 80′s. Geeky nostalgia and a geeky plot made for a great book. It’s got it all.
I also finished up a re-watch of ST:DS9. I was a huge fan of ST growing up and i hate speaking ill of what i’ve loved. What i still like: the casting, some of the grand story arcs, the interaction of Starfleet’s way of live with the rest of the galaxies other cultures in a setting where they clash daily, the Defiant, runabouts (i want one), and the station itself.
What i don’t like: It was too long, not the number of seasons, the number of episodes. I’ve been spoiled by the British model of TV. Short seasons(series) with less filler. How much time did we need to spend on Odo pining for Kira? It’s the filler episodes that drive me crazy. Just saying, shorter seasons = more budget per episode. And you can still do character development. See: Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica (the reimagining), Sherlock, Jekyll, etc.
It’s part of my goal to rewatch/watch all of the ST shows before the end of the year. I’m taking a little time off before i go back to ST:TNG.
Also finally joined Fitocracy, but haven’t been able to do much as i’m dealing with a knee problem. It ties into my love affair with Reality is Broken by Jane McGonical, another great book i’ve listened to lately.
Challenging myself. 1 of 52
I decided it was time to challenge myself. 1 entry per week. Subject matter is irrelevant. Truth is irrelevant. Nothing other than placing words on the screen in front of me is important. And to that point I’ve decided to write at least one post per week for the year.
1 of 52
The Corgi stares at me while I’m eating. I swear he makes me feel like a dying man watching the vulture watching him while awaiting his death. I stare back and he only looks on with more hunger. I give him a scrap and his hunger is satiated for now. For now I am safe…
I tire of the snow.
I have many opinions and over the next year I will share many of them.
The first of which is: I don’t write for you. I will never write for you. Fuck you. I write for me, myself, and I. If you like it good. If you don’t, I don’t really care all that much. It’s like meeting new people, if they like me, awesome. If they don’t, fuck ‘em, I have no say in the matter.
Until next time, remember, “keep looking up!”
Speedily approaching a new milestone…
In approximately 8 months I’ll attain a new milestone. To all you fuck holes who didn’t think I’d make it, go fuck yourself. I’m glad to attain this newest achievement of ageing. Much like the Cylons, i have a PLAN.
Acquire bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.
Determine spot to spend 3-4 days camping with no technology.
Consume some Louis 13th on my way out of town. (in a bar w/a nive lunch).
Spend a solitary weekend of bliss, enjoying all that Alaska offers with a great scotch and the companionship of my dog.
I just want to sit back beside a stream, and envelop myself in the bliss that is this life while i can. I want to spend a few nights staring up at the stars and contemplating the vastness they inhabit.
I want to be awed by nature and life.
Well that’s my plan for now for my 40th birthday.
Self improvement
About a month ago i set out to write a list of goals. I had just realized i was in a very upward swing of recovery from a situational depression and it was time to rewrite the list. My original list was about a page long. I originally pared that down to 8 goals. After reading them for a week or two i had a list of 4.
My Goals:
1) Be Healthier
2) Be Debt Free
3) Be Who I Want To Be
4) Be More Social
Simple enough and number 3 covers everything important not covered by the others.
To achieve #1, i have quit smoking and started a workout regimen.
To achieve #2, i have to spend less and pay off my bills.
#3 is a bitch. #4 is technically a subset of #3, but important enough to separate out.
#3 is requiring me to assess my entire sense of self. I’m examining who i am and if i’m heading the path i want to be on. This has been a mother fucker. A gut wrenching self examination of values. And honestly, it’s paying off. I can do more, be more, and be better. i’ll go into what i’ve discovered about myself in another post. But it’s a massive change in philosophy. and i think it’s who i’m supposed to be.
On Being Thankful
Per accepted social convention, it is a day of giving thanks. I see people posting what they are thankful/grateful and thought to my self “Self, what are you truly thankful for?”. Not to be deterred by the typical glib one-liners of the famous and the powerful and the deluded, i have decided to determine why i am truly thankful. Of which i am as likely to post as anyone.
I am thankful for my friends, familial bonds are so fickle, it is unbelievably awesome to replace them with people with whom you want to have bonds.
I am thankful i live in modern times with running water and indoor toilets.
I am thankful time travel is currently naught but fiction. Could you imagine the destruction we would rain down upon each other?
I am thankful technology is advancing at the rate it is and hope that before i shed this mortal form permanently i will have the ability to upload myself into a virtual presence and have a limited form of immortality.
I am thankful for reasoned and rational discourse. The ability to listen to people with whom one disagrees and be open-minded is a blessing. It is also equally awesome to be able to refute people with out resorting to personal attacks. I actually yearn for this to become true in all manners of disagreements. Unless one is actively preaching hate, i wholly support the right to differ with my opinions. I will cede points when i am proven wrong and expect others to do the same. Unfortunately this isn’t the case often enough.
On the other hand, i am grateful for the ability to be passionate about subject and have the appropriate emotions to express my passions.
I am thankful i learned how to say two important phrases when appropriate: “No.” and “I don’t know.” Learning how to use those phrases changed my life.
I am immensely grateful that a little over four years ago i got a phone call. Said phone call turned into a drive to Seward, AK where i met and bonded with the most amazing member of my family. Dash the Corgi is awesome and the most welcome addition to my family. He is my boy, and his love is overpowering at times.
I am thankful for my mind. It is far from the greatest mind to ever exist, it is far from being perfect, but it is mine. It allows me to think and reason and question and see the world from my unique POV. My mind allows me to ask questions and then seek out the answers and admit when i don’t know. I am also glad i am aware the space between my ears is immeasurable. This is where i am thankful for my family, w/o their genetics i wouldn’t have my mind.
I am thankful for life and understanding and the ability to understand my place in the universe. I understand my life in the grand scheme of the universe is insignificant. When i shed my mortal coil my contributions will be the effects i have had on other people both positive and negative. Odds are i will never be wealthy or famous, but what i can do is leave every life i interact with richer for the experience. I can make the choice to be the person i want to be and with that choice i can give my best to the world and the people in my life. I can lead a life with as few regrets as possible. And i am comfortable with all of this knowledge. And this allows me to determine what is important and what isn’t. As much as i love the gadgets i obsess over, they have no great importance in determining my quality of life.
I am thankful for every important experience, both good and bad, that has brought me to this point in my life. Life is good and only getting better.
I am grateful that i have the ability to never stop learning and growing towards my vision of whom i desire to be.
Lastly, i am thankful i can share these thoughts with others.
